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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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As the storm passes, the sun comes back out. It’s like the universe is playing tricks on us. I’m sitting on my lifeguard chair, just taking it all in. The beach is empty now, but it’s peaceful. I can hear the waves crashing, and it’s kinda nice.

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